(December 3rd, 2007)
i just woke up in the middle of the night again but this time with emotions that are human…no i am not indespair much …and i would wish to hold my peace but sometimes i think, it would be really unfair to myself…I have held my peace for so long…but human as I am…there are confessions that just will break the tie….
things have been really whirlwind lately and what was not meant to be should not be continued… i had only 2 choices…to let myself be affected with the aftermath or not… but how can you choose to be not affected in a snap when the lies keep on surfacing…all those secrets of flirtations to others in the time that was officially mine are unveiled from the recepients and the accessories of the act themselves…that when i thought i had so much pride before.. all along, i had actually had none. But there is no use to hurdle those anymore…there is nothing i can do about it….everything was underestimated including myself….
i will never understand the need of constant self ego check…and I will never attempt
to accept it again…
(……..there are moments I want to tell you exactly the kind of person you are..because probably no one very dared to tell you so far …)
and when i am about to move on……..it has not been over a month yet and now i have been informed that a new beginning with another person has been happening for a week….and now i feel soo stupid…fooled will be the right term… coz until the last minute words to me, they just proved to be lies after all…they proved to be crafted all along …. because a confession has been made that prior to that,she was lured while i was still D one.
Much more its sad that the ethics on separation was not mutual as well….when i chose to be silent to prove that i am ok …. i am stripping respect which what i owe to myself badly.
when i am about to begin stepping forward …bringing with me what i thought was real…i am pulled again backwards…not because i am weak and letting myself pulled by them but because it is wrong to step forward with a wrong perception still….the evidences will speak for themselves…
the questions I have will always haunt me….but I refuse to dwell on it…this will be the last time I will step back..
amidst all, i wish happiness for us all…that i can be proud to be honest about.