Christmas in Enchanted River and Tinuy-an Falls

From enjoying a Christmas dinner to a quick prep then off we went  to Hinatuan, Surigao for  the most talked about nature wonders --- Enchanted River and Tinuy-an Falls.

     It was a 5 hour drive from Davao in a Starex Van with us 10 sleeping all the time, except the driver of course. When we got there, an entrance fee of P35.00 welcomed us. And just after the cottages was the sight of the waters everyone was dying to see.

    Enchanted River  was more than a marvel. It was not exactly how I see it in images, it was MORE beautiful and breathtaking when I saw it with my two eyes.  It was too good to be true. The fishes were as clear as they are seen out of the waters and the blue color of the water was undeniably amazing to look at. It was creepy at first, but eventually the water will make you relax. Then at 10am, the fishes begin to surface on areas where there are people. You can see them around you, swimming but stagnant...eyes seem staring back at you as you look at them...they flock together waiting for something edible for them to eat though they don't harm people(well stories so far told so). At exactly 12 noon, all fishes take over the upper part of the water to eat.. people no longer enjoy that privilege in those minutes (after feeding, swimming for guests is again allowed..=) ).


Enchanted River for 2 reasons:

- many attempts to measure the depth, nobody was successful enough to do so
- in attempts to catch the fishes (fish length=my lower leg), the number caught will always be lesser than the count you expected you had

So the stories say ---- i suggest go to the waters and stare at the depth for for more than 20 seconds, and you'll understand why it's it was given that name. ^_^ *wink*                                                    

 There was an available island tour which we took around 10:30 am. The boat ride was P 160 per 5 persons and will take you to 3 places. We were taken first to a bar in the middle of the waters with the "pawikans" as their main attraction. Then we headed to a quite white-sand beach that gave a beautiful nature scene. We didn't stay long because we wanted to go back to the Enchanted River and watch the caretakers feed the creepy fishes.
   

     Tinuy-an Falls was a sight of beauty and dominating water power. We  went there after lunch. It was a 45 minute travel.


      The site of the  cascading falls welcomed us right away.  It was cold and very strong. We rafted near the falls..we just had to..the danger was too tempting. The raft was not allowed to go under the falls. There are available life guards, but with NO life saving devices. So safety is self-regulated, make sure you know where the ropes are in the water. Now to see the biggest falls (possible for humans to go to)..one has to go up a LONG way (that part I hated the most). But like they say, "you miss half of your life for things that you didn't even try enjoying.."... that time, I stopped complaining and climbed up, no matter how agonizing it seemed. When on top -- the leg aches were definitely worth it.

4 Things You Absolutely Must Know Before Starting A Floral Business

         Being a florist and starting a floral business entails a lot of passion and dedication. Of course, imagination is the key in creating various flower arrangements, not to mention the problem of how you will market your works and to whom you will cater your services.

It is very important that you identify your target market. Once you get to do that, it will be a lot easier for you to think of a design for your flower set (example if your target market are teenagers during Valentine’s Day), then simply you’d create a picture of puppy love and teenage dreams.

If you are able to purchase sufficient resources like: selected flowers and other plants, floral materials, and minor products you fancy selling from your chosen suppliers, then it would not be so difficult for you to picture the kinds of designs you are to produce depending on the purpose of the affair.

Producing various designs out of different types of blossoms can be considered a gift- a special gift that not everyone has been lucky to have. Floral designing is art in itself and in order to perfect it, you must exercise and be familiarized with your creativeness. So if you think you have that special gift, you should treasure it and make the most out of it.

Always keep in mind that florists play an important role in people’s lives. Florists come to the rescue for persons who want to their messages delivered or their emotions and intentions expressed to the people around them through gifts like flowers. Come to think of it. They really are vital to our existence as emotional beings.

In addition to that, florists also help out in last minute preparations for many and different occasions. Sometimes people are so busy with other activities or with work that we just don't have the time to take care of everything. So now, think of it this way: if you are really fond of arranging or designing flowers and other plants, you should try starting a floral shop. 

You have to keep in mind that your shop must be situated in the best location convenient for your customers. If circumstances arise that you live far away from the city, do not lose hope because all you would need is a reliable internet connection and you are good to go. 

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Mai Gaane is a graduating student of the University of the Philippines - Mindanao. She's a smart, vibrant  Iskolar ng Bayan with BA Commuication Arts degree among her list of achievements. Shes' a good friend who ventures into a lot of opportunities that complement her zesty personality. She has written this article in her aim to help others pursue their interests and help them in starting things right.

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Cleaning and Maintaining Your Pool Table: Tough Task

      A pool table can be one of the most expensive things you can acquire inside your house. Buying a pool table is really an investment. It does come with a price, thus, you shall treat your pool table worth your investment.

      First things first, you have to remember that the green felt cloth is the most fragile part of your pool table. So how do you keep it in its best condition? Clean it. The chalk and the powder do most of the destroying, generally. And for you to be able to do well in billiards, you have to use chalk and powder, so it really is almost inevitable.

     You can use a brush to clean up the dust which seeps in the felt cloth of the billiard table. There is a specific brush you can buy which is designed especially for the cloth of the billiard table. But if you are tight on budget, you can use an old soft brush to clean the cloth. But by doing this, you should realize that there is still a lot of dust that gets caught up deeper in the cloth. Using a small, low-powered vacuum would be a wise idea as long as there is no brush attached to it.

       Just like your skin, the cloth of the pool table can get damaged when exposed to the sun and the heat. Keep your pool table in a cool, dry place to lengthen its life, thus, maintaining it to its best condition.

       Moreover, keep weight off the table; do not sit on it. For one, the rubber rail cushions might pop off. Also, the legs of the table might lose its balance, thus, affecting the stature of the pool table, and your performance on billiards all in all.

       Just follow these simple tips on cleaning and maintaining your pool table, and you’ll surely keep it working on its best condition for the longest time.

Ant Busy

        The last 2 weeks of October has been so busy for me writing a lot of articles for couple of websites.  I finally went out with friends last Saturday night. We went to Pop's and it's been ages since I was on that place. Yup, THAT long!

       The band there played my all-time favorite song, "With or Without You". It brought a lot of highschool memories and I missed the days. When the band played Pearl Jam's  "Daughter", everyone was chanting the lyrics.

       I had a nice time with friends. It was good to enjoy Saturday nights again. !

Love even the Differences

      Aside from my being adventurous, I have always been  a fan of love and loving. Today, I came across with a quote that helped me understand it more. I am inlove, that's a fact. All those who are in this state wants to give all they have to that special person and whether we admit it or not, we always want to be given the same affection in return. When our partners go beyond what we expected them to do, we will love them more.
     
       However, there are partners who do not even come close to what we expect to do. We love them, yet we continue to wish they would do more to sweep us off our feet or put more than a smile in our faces. Every person in a relationship, at one point of time, thought of that.
   
       But only those who snap out of these thoughts,  enjoys the relationship .Couples having the same interest can differ hugely in terms of personality, preferences and decisions. Those who have learned to acknowledge the differences can take it without too much hurting. And those who respect the differences understands that loving can be shown in many different ways.
   
       Our partners may not be the one we see in movies or read in books, but they mean it when they say  that they love us and that it's for real. People will always have something to say on what we have with our partners but as long as we are happy, we have to stand with whom we chose to love. If the relationship makes us better persons, then we deserve being with our partners no matter how difficult the odds may become. There are many elements how to make it last but being unappreciative of what your partner is will never be good. The compromises help solve the differences but it should not change the person each of you are.  Love means to love even the differences. Love means loving the thought of reconciling the differences.Love means knowing that your partner loves you and love means enjoying the journey with him or with her.
   
       I am thankful. I am happy and I feel that I deserve my own relationship. It is far from what is ideal and easy but I feel love in it. I appreciate what I have for who knows, somewhere out there, someone wants to be where I am but just did not have the chance.

Tagalog Pick up Lines at its Best

Has anyone used this cheesy line on you “Sana exam mo nalang ako, para sagutin mo din ako”? Or how about this line right here, “Pinaglihi ka ba sa keyboard? Type kasi kita eh”. If not, well I’m sure you’ve heard of them before. These lines are called “ Tagalog pick-up lines ” or “Pinoy pick-up lines”, said by Filipino men to Filipino women whom they want or whom they want to spend the night with. Usually these lines are thrown as a conversation opener. Filipino men found a simpler and easier way of expressing their immediate “feelings” to the women, but in a more tacky way unlike expressing through love letters and poems where one has to really reflect ones deep feelings for the significant other.

Pinoy pick-up lines are the worst when used repeatedly at winning a lady’s heart, but one thing’s for sure, it definitely gets her attention. They have different impacts on ladies because some may find it corny, while others find it hilarious and cute. If we really put a deep thought into it, Filipino guys use pick-up lines to show off their sense of humor and in return, they get praised for their quick improvisation, not to mention the confidence they have in delivering these lines. Imagine having to create cheesy lines like these in an instant! “Akala ko noon, dagat lang ang lumalalim, pati din pala feelings ko sayo ganun din”, or “Parang wala ako sa sarili ko, siguro nasa iyo ako” or “Sana hacker nalang ako para hackin ka nalang”. The one who came up with these lines is a downright genius.

                At present, pick-up lines are frequently used up by guys and it is starting to become a cliché. The downside? Well Filipino men tend to choose the easy route or the shortcut to get what they want – which is the women. By using these popular lines, they are unconsciously unable to express their genuine feelings to the lady they particularly like. It becomes a disadvantage for guys because on the other end, there is no assurance for honesty.

                Although humorous and a display of romantic interest, the usage of Tagalog pick-up lines as a starter for conversation, as well as an attention-grabber, is effective. But ladies be mindful!  Don’t be stupid enough to fall for any of them unless your guy is an exception. And guys don’t be naïve! Be unique and express your own feelings. Pick-up lines are just there to help you at the beginning. In the end it’s still up to you. Remember, “ang taong nagmamahal ng tapat, hindi basta-basta bumabanat.”

Cafe Demitasse means Good Customer Service

       We prepared a surprise birthday bash for my friends, Haidee and Eden, last week.  We chose Cafe Demitasse since  the place is not far from my workplace and to where my friends live. It's located along Torres Street, where most people wanting to relax meet.

    Best in Customer Service. I would have to say that again and again. The staff attended to my  needs even before I asked them to.When I told them that I was going to pull a surprise party that same day I came, they suggested a lot of things right away. They showed me the 2 rooms they have upstairs which can be used exclusively. One room can accomodate 10-15 guests for P 1,500. The other room is bigger and can accommodate 25 persons which can be used for P2,500. The rates are consumable and good for 2 hours. An extra P 500 fee  per hour will be charged for excess hours. There's an open terrace for those who want to breathe fresh air which can accommodate 10 persons .

           I gave my instructions to the staff and the waiters. I have to make sure that the celebrants won't have a hint of what's for them. I did not sense any hesitation on their part as I wanted the food prepared on room upstairs before the celebrants arrive. I had to come earlier to set the place up with posters and balloons. The rest of my friends were joining the ceremonies held at our workplace. We were joining the installation rites of our new company president. The need to relax after that event   was enough to lure our celebrants to the coffee shoppe.

          We love coffee and Cafe Demitasse offers a wide variety of  hot, iced or blended coffee. They also have juices, smoothies and other drinks. Their cakes  are mouth watering and even their meals are tasteful . The prices are very reasonable so it's going to fit our budget.  It's a  perfect place for people who craves a lot of chocolates, pasta, cheese and wants to enjoy a quiet and relaxing place at the same time.

       
        The celebrants had the surprise of their lives as soon as they came. I had to thank the waiters for helping out and laughing with me while preparing. They wanted to even sing for our celebrants!  I am glad that we chose this place for the surprise gimmick. I am glad that my friends liked the place too.

         I am so overwhelmed that I would recommend a visit to this place.

(Pictures of the coffee shop was taken from its Facebook Page)

Fabulous photos by Instagram

I am loving the latest photo application on my iphone. This is Instagram. And it turns my photos into a fabulous canvass or work of art.

I am no model but Instagram just made me one. Nice!

GCaFe and Closing In

Well there is a new Coffee shop in town, it's G Cafe. Well not exactly new but it has broken the habit of people going to the coffee shop at Starmart Ecoland . 

The Coffee shop gives a homy atmosphere considering it's large space. I am loving the color because it's pink. But seriously, the cafe  has so much space that order of things won't be a problem. There are table and chairs placed also outside for smokers or simply those who want fresh air. There's an LCD TV at the center which makes me think that games or events can be watched here together with the rest of the customers.   It opens from 8am until 1:00 in the morning during weekdays and 2:00am on weekends.

It serves the usual coffee other coffee shops serve . I am more of a frappe lover and yesterday they introduced a new set of frappe. I ordered a cheesecake frappe while my friend had the all-time favorite Mocha. Their range of prices are the same with the other coffee shops, affordable.  Too bad that I wasn't hungry that time, I could have tried their meals. 

It's not going to be another boring night since there's a new kid on the block.I bet.

Bring out the WOLVES

Davao Doctors College celebrates its foundation week. Earlier, the festivities for the intramurals already started. My team this year is SILVER WOLVES together with the faculty and staff of the Physical Therapy and Occupational Therapy Department.

I miss the old team, Blue Phoenix. I missed the fact that it belonged to those under the Nursing Department. I missed  bearing stress and celebrating success with fellow nurses.

Yet, this new team offers a new perspective. It means unity and respect to another set of professionals. It is bridging and connecting ties with another group whom we can actually be friends. It is appreciating the need to adjust to people in order to meet a goal. It teaches us to set aside our differences and enjoy the need to unite for success. It teaches us the value of relying and trusting each other to be able to move forward. This time, the loyalty is not only for the angels in the sickroom but for those who also work to make the angels stronger.

I still smell the aggressiveness and the drive to win in every athlete. I smell the spirit of sportsmanship and healthy competition. I have to let go of the past and take in the new. It may not be close to what we had but the heart of nurse warriors are the same. They are even stronger with the new jerseys and new team mates.

I will miss saying "SOAR HIGH BLUE PHOENIX!!!".... now I am head high shouting .." WE ARE THE SILVER WOLVES and WE HOWL ! "

UP reigns supreme in UAAP Cheerdance

And the "Iskolars ng Bayan" reign supreme again!! This time it's not just in the classrooms, but on the dancefloor and out in the open. I am so proud to be an alumnus of  the University of the Philippines even if I  did not get to see the Cheerdance competition for real

The UP Pep Squad is this year's Champion  retaining the title last year. We're still keeping this for a long time, I bet!

Angry Birds all over town

 I went to DCLA today, it's a place where items are sold at very low prices. I couldn't resist going there as I drove my dad to work. To my surprise, almost all items had angry birds design on it.

It's my favorite game in my iphone. It seemed simple at first but really, you have to think of correct angles to be able to finish one game and go one level up. It's addicting and I found these birds real cute that I bought a lot of pillows of them. To my surprise, there are a lot of items designed with Angry Birds. My eyes sparkled at the sight of them wishing I could buy them all.  ^_^

Sweet and Cheezy

Me and my friends went swimming earlier. It has been long since I had a dip with them. I had been making myself available to my partner for the last 3 months that I didn't make any plans with these friends. I couldn't make plans because spending time with Ryan was like a lottery -- you have opportunities but it's stroke of luck that gives you that chance. It left me no best option but to make myself free and available as much as possible.

I cooked spaghetti for them, especially to Maypril's daughter Z. I like it just like Filipino kids like it --  sweet and with hotdogs. I never outgrew how spaghetti's tasted when I was young. Today, I cooked again and I added a lot of ground pork and bacon to really make it more delicious. I don't content myself using only spaghetti sauces, I have to add tomato paste still. I was tempted to separate the pasta from the spaghetti sauce like my friends do but the moment I smelled the cheese melting with the sauce, I couldn't stop myself from pouring it over the pasta.

I like a little salty flavor in it like some friends do but for today, I wanted it sweet and with lots of cheese. I liked it and it made me happy. Like they say, how one feels when cooking reflects on the taste of what she cooks. My spaghetti was a hit today.

The pool was also so nice. My friend Petite lives in Magallanes Residences, a newly built condominium in Davao. It was elegant, quite, and very relaxing.

 I cooked well today and made chocolate lollipops. I swam with friends. I still do miss him but I know it's mutual. I am one happy woman and today is one great Sunday.

Loving across Distance

I am going to miss the guy who had made me laugh in many ways. Yesterday, we were on using  Skype and even there, I could barely breathe while laughing with him. I have a lot of stories to tell during his stay here but I just have to find time to write. The emotions will definitely  keep pouring the moment I start blogging, then I  will forget time.

The distance between him and me  is not new . This set-up was just like before. But the odds are harder now, since I now believe that I have found someone worth being with beyond horizons. As much as I am being tough with this, the challenges seem  up and ready for us as well.

A simple thought makes me push up against these odds -- "If it remains to make my heart smile and give me peace then I am in the right place."

Extraordinary Life

I have been wanting to write again for so long. I  have wanted to convert the tears i have been shedding for not being able to enjoy the perks of being a better half. I have wanted to convert the anger that filled me at many times that I felt I should have deserved more. I would have wanted to convert the many times I felt degraded for seem to be pushing myself often just to be wanted. I would have converted to words the crushing feeling of wanting to be at par with the one written on the top list.

But then again, at those many times that I felt so heavy, he manages to erase it with the measures that he can just give the most.

They say loving means being able to endure anything that comes with it. I have always asked myself, "to what extent should I understand?". Many times also that I have pondered on the answer to that question. And at that many times, I again understood that there are things he cannot sacrifice for my sake.

I don't have the normal relationship. I do not have a fairytale nor anything that is close to that. I have a reality that one can only imagine. I have something that paves more than loiter with him freely. I don't have the luxury of dragging time with my quirms or luxury of planning moments.

No, I don't have any of that.

But if you ask me if I am happy, I will say yes without even blinking. But I will admit to struggling ..and struggling a lot. I am struggling a lot with the little time given to me and the recognition for my existence. I am struggling of that fact that I will be pushed aside many times for bloodline. I am  struggling  a lot of the fact that at many times, I will have just to cry and understand.

But I will always be thankful for the efforts to erase the hurt that he knows that I am feeling. I will always be happy with the time he spends with me, for i know to be able to give it entails a lot on his part.

We choose our own fate by the choices we make. I had mine and at that time I made that, it was what made me realize what happiness was. And keeping that happiness is a struggle, I must admit. I am loving this person beyond what loving is . That is the truth now . But to be able to sustain that happiness, I have to get back on loving myself again. I have not lost it, but i seemed to have been approaching the road. I do not wish to lose again what I have regained the hardest way.

This is all that I am .. this is how i love and carry myself. I give value to moments because time is something too painful to regret. I give much even if I get less because I have so much to give. And if such is not enough to make me be the same for them, I will not contest nor push myself  more.

My feelings has been the source of what my mind decides on. Only my emotions will dictate the length of holding on to what I have now. This is love for me .. this is happiness for me no matter how different it is. I will always wish someday that I will be able to enjoy the perks of life with him just like most couples do. And as long as my heart will still want to wait and still feels love ... it will always dictate the most challenging part of this journey ---- to understand and endure.

Love it is Still

       Everything started in a way i never imagined. But it all ended up in a relationship i knew i wanted and deserved in the first place. It was initially a rough ride. I seemed running after him all the time. I seemed to be constantly pushing myself to him and be recognized. It was a pursuit of truth beyond words. It was a whole chasing experience.

      But as they say, "love is patient" .... it was. They say you can never lose when you love, only when you hold back. I knew what i had was something i could only imagine. It was something i was always searching for. He was the one who made me feel what i dreamed of was actually something that was real.

       Gradually, I understood his ways. It was slow and relaxing. It was enjoying the moment and just letting pieces fall into place. It was something  that I wasn't anticipating. I slowed down, smelled the flowers and letting spirits fly. I loved him for who he is now and for who he was. What he had was something I will never want to go through, and to be happy with him is to understand that by heart. To be happy with what we have, is to accept the complexities that come along with who we individually are.

      Things have just begun with us enjoying the affection we both have for each other. Everytime i'm with him, i am thankful.
       I am thankful that he continues to be a friend that i can share my growing years with.  
       I am thankful still for continuing growing and laughing off worries..
   
       I am thankful for pushing out the doubts  and making me smile,
       I am thankful still, for allowing me to do the same

       I am thankful for love he blurts out at an unexepected times,

       I am thankful at expected times, he continues to love more

       I am thankful for allowing to dream more even with complexities
       I am thankful more allowing to dream ending at being together is always possible

      For the first time, i never feared lasting time with someone. I never feared coming terms with struggle knowing he'll be beside me. For the first time, i realized that it was true when they said that "you will just feel it" if you had the real thing. Yes, it's still early but i got tired of being afraid of thinking ahead. I believe that I deserve a lasting love which I can  cherish beyond distance, and beyond time.

 
       And being a friend at the same time to him, I know he deserves the same.

     I will not say, " i don't know where this will lead us", because it isn't so. I will just have to say, "I will pray that God guides us to keep what we have strong." And that hope hard that we continue to be better persons for each other and continue to be right for each other.

      A girl's checklist is one thing she sees time after time. I believe i have  mine as well and he has his also. And as long as we have each other, no matter what pace we  have, we will continue to love and be happy (even  endure complexities) because it is something we have deserved  for long.

In love

As i dose myself to sleep..i erase the hurt i was feeling couple of nights ago. I appreciate the time and effort given to wipe away the tears.

I am happy..happier now.

Never Again..I thought

No matter how strong a woman is, the minute she falls inlove..things get complicated right away. My tears fell yesterday wondering if all that has been invested was going along what was expected. I have said to myself, "this is not new to me..I should know better." But then again, no matter how I know letting my guards down will hurt me bad...i still did.

As i sit now, still picking up a lot of wondering thoughts, i again reflected 3 years back when I felt so hurt that it seemed impossible to breathe. I told myself  that I will not entertain anyone who will give me that again..or close to it.

Yes, i believed in a promise. I believe in a friendship that could flourish into something really beautiful. I believed in a love that seemed so sincere amidst the odds. I planned literally my life knowing that finally, there seemed a person i could see forever with. I built my happiness to having to share what i knew what enjoying life is.

But I seemed to have left believing. And no matter how much i deny it to myself, things are getting more obvious. What may have been so real now seemed just a fabric of an imagination...more hurtful to think that it was all a lie.

When a man loves you for real..he will make ways to make you feel special. You don't have to doubt him even he's not around because he will not let you. Your head will never ache wondering whether he will text you if you're ok ..or what are you doing at time he knows your vacant...or will actually want to see you even for a while. And as I cry my tears finishing this one..i am in admission that none of these have been evident so far.. not even close.

In tears, i will hurdle the pain for a while. And as I do that, i will have to look back to what i left behind..to the plans i settled aside ..thinking that it was all worth the wait. I will not beg somebody for something I know I deserve. I will not let anyone again make me feel that I am unwanted. I will not let someone hurt me more than the hurt I am feeling now.

I will have my time to speak. At the time, that I won't even attempt to beg for the chance to be with him. It's easy to know when they don't want you around, it's the acceptance that's hard and it's turning your back that will take a lot of guts.

I will admit to falling inlove for there's nothing else to describe it. I admit to falling too much by expecting that it was mutual. I admit to have been so gullible believing in words i wanted to hear. I admit to being so naive that falling for this person was what will make me happy. I admit that none of it was true. I admit now to hurting bad.

But with the little strength I have. I will not allow it to take all the best of what i have become. Even if I have to  write again and again to be able to breathe then I will. The hurting will just have to end...it has to or I will never forgive myself for allowing them to build their fantasies in my expense again.

Loving Anew

      They say that "to expect much means hurting yourself much." I honestly wish i could prevent myself from doing that, just literally allow things to fall into places. Someone comes into your life and makes you feel good about yourself. Then you suddenly feel strong for that person and likewise. And before you know it, your guards are down again and we are back to square one.

      I am in a new bond whose heart has always looked back to promises and words that was said over and over again. Yet, when the long wait was over.. there have been some setbacks on what I perceived happening. I just couldn't get what I wanted..not at least the earliest possible time.

      I do not wish to stop expecting. I believe, my past relationships kept failing because I allowed them to love me the way they did. In the long run, the truth of how you want to be taken cared of will just be something that you want to happen badly. How I take care will always be a reflection of how I want to be taken cared of.

      Now, I see a figure who has the same blood as I have, a description i best can give for him. It feels good being able to know that he understands my constant need of adventure, so to speak. I didn't feel the need to explain the element of  spontaneity in all things, or even the sweet taste of danger. I didn't feel the need to explain my constant need of self expression which may cause offense to others that I didn't care much. I believe, I wanted something like this for long...someone i can enjoy life without minding a lot of perks.

      Then I remember last night talking with friends that God gives you always what you wish . And sometimes, when you wish you have to be particular because you will not be getting what you did not ask for.

      I asked for what I want badly and what makes me happy the most, but I forgot to exclude the complexities that may come with the person who fitted in picture.. It's funny thinking about it really, but what i have now will really test my desire to pursue what i want the most.

      I do not intend to expect the "normalcy" of events in every relationship. What i have now is not typical nor close to what i have before. I do not have the luxury of putting my foot down yet. In hours, the mind opened to what was real for me. Intending not to expect is one big challenge I have to endure, knowing that I am the type who knows exactly what i want at most times. 

      I think too much at times, like now. When I do, it mirrors mostly what i feel about. I know I am happy now ..but I admit to be struggling . But this was what I chose. And to risk losing what security I had before meant that I believe what I have now is better.. however uncertain it has become suddenly.

      Nothing has happened yet  for all the things I wished during the wait. Nothing that everyone would have expected except for the clarity we wanted and deserved. I am in a totally different scene I believe , only that I know is I want to be with this person than I did others.

      I understand the delay...to how long..that i do not know. I can only wish that he remains sincere , continues to read my mind and make things real still . =)

Ready Again..i think

Yes for many months, i have lurked myself on the side. I just let all of everything fall into places. I let go of a love that i knew others perceived lasting. I let go of a man who was worth a lifetime.

And as much as his words to wait lingered in my thoughts, i saw it in my own eyes that he no longer held that.  A new feme has been constantly in his images, wrapping her arms around his. Looking at it made my world stop a while, yes it did. It was odd but then i knew, he must have found the one he wanted me to be. I knew the new woman, on the backgrounds they whispered. As to the lasting love they both wanted, i wish them to that.

It made me breathe again. It was clear to me again what was meant for me. It wasn't that person, no matter how loving he may seem. We were two different individuals even love can't mask. And the difference just crawled into my system even he couldn't make to meet even halfway. But regardless how it went, the usual coldness has settled in again.

I craved for the friendship. I missed the friendship that I knew wouldn't be easy for him to give now ...for reasons I could just only wonder. I know, he wouldn't give time to drop by my place to show that he's "landed" again, something he did always when we were just friends. The difference in views and principles gave us a strong friendship, looking out on the other side of life all the time. His was ideal, mind was real. There was no pressure of taking one of each in. It was good and it was nice. That I may have with other friends, it's kinda sad missing it out with him.

But then again, things are what it is. And it is not me to push myself where I am not needed..even as a friend.

Being ready to love again is a choice but to have the guts to take the whole ride again ... is another thing.  It requires the heart to take the lead. There is no use looking back when it was your choice in the first place.  There is no use watching over the hurt i have caused. I could not bring back what i risked breaking. I could only wish the comfort to be the same again. But like they say, everything happens for a reason..and things will just be in God's perfect time.

Loved again. Lost again. But ready for another one who offers the same. I am grateful for the "seemingly" new chance. Let's just wait and see..

Lessons to Optimism

    
           There were many nights that i fought it back..there were nights i tried to hold on..but i believe there will always be an end to everything if you feel that it's not anymore making you happy...that all you have expected to happen,  was what exactly you wanted and when you kept setting that aside, it takes away the very core of what you exactly are...
          I have loved again..and again, too much..but it is what i always am. I have clipped my wings trying to become the person who i am not..without even noticing it. I become another person each time I cry for not getting what i want..for not being understood of what little i have perked about...I got tired trying to stress a point I felt right in the first place. 
           I have turned cold..not barging even a little of what seemed possible to happen. I am on my road to self discovery again..my own sanctuary of happiness..I can no longer exist to merely disappoint another person again of what makes me happy.
          I am looking forward for a new outlook, whether it's lame or it's purposeful. I am optimistic of a new love that's possible out there which could make me feel closest to what i define as happiness.
          I have learned lessons in life..still learning though. And in my quest to another journey..i wish badly that MYSELF and WHO I AM  will become the top of their priority...even mine.